Best Friends

"So whats the secret?" I've asked this to plenty of patients, and probably 75% of the people I've asked said, "I married my best friend." Is that where people go wrong now? They don't develop a great friendship before entering into a committed relationship?

I have been lucky, and although I can only count my best friends on one hand, they are amazing friends...all girls but oh well. In the last 6.5 years, I have lived with three out of my five best friends and there is NO way I could have done (and am still doing) that if they weren't truly my best friends. I lived with Nicole for four years, Arin (current roommate) for over 5 years, and Kacy (also current roommate) for almost two years. People say be careful because living with friends can ruin your friendship. This is probably true for people who aren't best friends. People who know everything about each other and love them despite all their flaws are best friends. That's what makes a successful friendship and one that will last a lifetime. We may drive each other crazy sometimes but at the end of the day we still love each other. The hreason I'm explaining this is because it applies in relationships as well...or at least i think so.

Think about it. Apply your experiences living with friends to living with your partner. Those people who were just kinda friends probably didn't work out so well, but those you truly loved worked out well. I can come home after a bad day and know i have two pairs of ears that would sit down and listen. This is what i want from my partner. The same friendship I share with my best friends, but not in a female form haha. You have to be able to support, listen, trust, and encourage each other to be the best possible version of yourselves or it just doesn't seem like it would work.

People say that after their kids have grown up and moved away they have nothing in common with their spouse anymore. What happened? Why don't you have anything left to talk about? Is it because you let the friendship go? You both started working towards one common goal, that is the raising of your children, you forgot about the couple.

You have to put work into any friendship to make it work, so why do people give up so easily on their most important friendship? What is going on? The saying 'bros before hoes' and 'chicks before dicks' may have applied in middle school or high school but when it comes to your partner, the person you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with, there is no one else who should come before them. I find it ridiculous that I actually hear those sayings come out of a grown adult's mouth. I'm serious. Yes your friendships are important, but don't dismiss your friendship with your partner because your guy or girl friends are putting pressure on you. In the end, yor partner is your family and your number one. There is no choice...you should chose your partner everytime.

Again, its all about balance. Balancing your relationship with your spouse with other friendships, work and school is difficult, but I'm seeing from these people I'm talking to that it's worth it. It seems to me that where people are going wrong now-a-days is they have their life and their spouse has his or her own life and they are trying to kinda join the two without them totally overlapping. When you get married, it goes from his life and her life to OUR life. You have to consider that person if everything you do.

As i'm going through this analysis of marriage and trying to understand it, it seems to be moving further and further away from something that is actually possible. Hmmm...i don't know. Is this making sense to anyone? Am i totally off track here?

Good luck in love.